Battlecast presented by Meltdown Comics (battlecast)

Unlike certain Republican presidential nominees, the Battle Boys are distinctly prosogynistic. To prove it, we welcome two females that sort of tolerate us. It's Mrs. Anneke "Married to Dirk" Stenger and Ms. Cora "Cora" Cora.

They'll judicate the battle that takes place in Lichfield Prison from Orange is the New Black between two characters that we're just shocked have never come up before. It's Dirk as peppy British speed demoness, Tracer vs Dan as the Lord of Portals and being locked in a lab with robots that sing about cake, Chell. My god the Portal games are fun.

The Battlecast is a lie.

Warning: Pancakes for breakfast.

<3 <3 <3 Thanks for listening, thanks for telling a friend, thanks for rating us on iTunes, and thanks for being anyone but Piper <3 <3 <3

Direct download: V02E09_Tracer_vs_Chell.mp3
Category:Battlecast -- posted at: 5:49am PST

You thought, hoped, and the religious among you prayed that Lady Gaga was never to be used on the show again. If you needed more proof that we live in a cruel, godless world, I give you exhibit G: this god damn episode. It's James as Lady Gaga going bangs to sweaty forehead with Drik as Marvel's bulletproof Netflix star, Luke Cage.

Oh and probably much more importantly, the mystery guest that was previously accused of some pretty heinous groping is here to tell his side of the story.

Can't hear my, can't hear my, no you can't hear my b-b-b-Battlecast.

Warning: Battlecast sans-Dan is the best. Lol.

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Direct download: V02E08_Lady_Gaga_vs_Luke_Cage.mp3
Category:Battlecast -- posted at: 4:34am PST

BREAKING NEWS: Andy has been replaced on the show by Eric Baudour from Mega 64 so we're going to completely overhaul the show to be entirely about pro wrestling and devastatingly horrible internet videos. You're welcome.

Before the format changes though, we'll do a battle or something. It's Eric as the machoest man there ever was, Randy Savage. Dan's going with a hero of the only real wrestling there is. Cros wrestling. Steve Irwin. Neither one of them will be up to business as usual though because it's going down in the zombie infested mall from Dead Rising.

C'mon don't be scurred, you runnin' from Battlecast, that's what I heard.

Warning: Prepare the ear bleach.

<3 <3 <3 Thanks for listening, thanks for telling a friend, thanks for rating us on iTunes, and thanks for being a fortune cookie that reads "Ooooooh yeah!" <3 <3 <3

Direct download: V02E07_Steve_Irwin_vs_Macho_Man.mp3
Category:Battlecast -- posted at: 7:45am PST

Welcome friend of the show and coffee connoisseur and generally responsible adult, Elijah Elliot!

He's sitting in for ol' new-job-James this week as Brad Pitt's fast talking pikey from Snatch, Mickey O'Niell. Andy loves winning so he picked a character he was positive he'd win with. The best part of the last two X-Men movies, Quicksilver. Let's take these fellers deep under the sea to a lab. Sealab. 2021.

But oh I ain't evah seen a Battlecast fly.

Warning: Real Talk as fugh.

<3 <3 <3 Thanks for listening, thanks for telling a friend, thanks for rating us on iTunes, and thanks for being a shiny and more noticeable cold sore. <3 <3 <3

Direct download: V02E06_Quicksilver_vs_Mickey_ONeill.mp3
Category:Battlecast -- posted at: 4:35am PST

Cartoon v Cartoon you say? Let's F'in' do this. It's ginger boy genius Dexter (Dirk) going head to spatula against punny burgerman, Bob Belcher (Dan). Hopefully you're well versed on your 1980s Colombian cocaine history, because this episode takes place in the setting of Narcos.

Battlecast kills bugs dead.

Warning: YOLOIAL

<3 <3 <3 Thanks for listening, thanks for telling a friend, thanks for rating us on iTunes, and thanks for being a petri dish full of tardigrades. <3 <3 <3

Direct download: V02E05_Dexter_vs_Bob_Belcher.mp3
Category:Battlecast -- posted at: 4:30pm PST

*Trumpets and such* We are joined today by comedian/actor/bumble BFF of the show, Nick Rutherford!

Nick'll be battling this week as the peace-loving paintnik, Bob Ross. Let's see how he fares against the augmented cyber-bro Adam Jensen from Deus Ex. And heck! Why not put these two in the infamous Trump Tower in Las Vegas. Booyagggh.

If you get a Battlecast that lasts over four hours, seek immediate medical attention.

Warning: It's ok to smile when sad stuff happens.

<3 <3 <3 Thanks for listening, thanks for telling a friend, thanks for rating us on iTunes, and thanks for being a benevolent HVAC technician. <3 <3 <3

Direct download: V02E04_Adam_Jensen_vs_Bob_Ross.mp3
Category:Battlecast -- posted at: 5:40am PST

There's a glitch in the mainframe of the internet that is allowing us to stay on Meltdown's network and also causes some of the gyms in Pokemon Go to turn yellow. We have our top scientists looking into it.

In the meantime: frazzled Magic School Bus pilot and damn fine lecturer, Ms. Frizzle (Andy) goes head to head against morphine addicted super-hacker, Mr. Robot (James). Hmm if only there was a place that brought nature and technology together in which they could fight... OH YEAH, hardcore survival game and winner of the coveted "This Shit's Been in Alpha for Longer than Computers Existed" award, RUST.

It puts the Battlecast on the skin, or else it gets the hose again.

Warning: Everything you wanted to know about video games but were afraid to ask.

<3 <3 <3 Thanks for listening, thanks for telling a friend, thanks for rating us on iTunes, and thanks for being a girl that called us ugly on OK Cupid. <3 <3 <3

Direct download: V02E02_Ms_Frizzle_vs_Mr_Robot.mp3
Category:Battlecast -- posted at: 4:24am PST

Volume 2 of Battlecast is upon us! Complete with a fancy new presenter, Meltdown Comics and fancy new lead vocals by Jon Bailey! Wooo!

Today's battle takes place in the totally-not-being-judged-by-anyone Rio Olympics between insane lady badass, Harley Quinn (James) and neurotic horsey jackass, Bojack Horseman (Dan).

Things heat up on the track and then cool down in the toxic green swimming pool. We don't recommend listening with headphone as close contact with this content may transmit Zika virus directly into your brain canal. Sorry.

Warning: Immediately gross as always.

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Direct download: S10E01_Harley_Quinn_vs_Bojack_Horsemans.mp3
Category:Battlecast -- posted at: 2:49am PST

It's finally here. Tempers ran hot, arguments were had, and James even broke a beer bottle over Andy's head. This may even be the last time we ever do a Battle Royale based on how much we all wanted to (for reals) kill each other afterward.

Basically what we're trying to say is that we've suffered for our art. In the same way that a 7-year-old suffers for that gold star emblazoned painting of a stick figure parakeet that mom and dad barely allowed on the fridge BUT STILL.

It's Dan vs. Andy vs. James in a tournament style showdown that will answer the two year long question: who got the best dice rolls?

Show me that Battlecast agaiiiin (Ooooooo, show me that Battlecast).

Warning: We'll never make you wait so long for or listen to another almost 3 hour episode again. Promise.


Dan has 4 characters, Andy has 3 characters, and James has 5 characters.

<3 <3 <3 Thanks for listening, thanks for telling a friend, thanks for rating us on iTunes, and, seriously, thanks for being a beloved supporter and good homie of the show. <3 <3 <3

Direct download: VOLUME_1_FINALE_-_SUPER_MEGA_ULTRA_BATTLE_ROYALE.mp3
Category:Battlecast -- posted at: 7:59pm PST

One more little baby special episode before we bring you the super sized... no King Sized... no... KING SOOPER SIZED Super Mega Hyper Battle Royale. Here's us fartin' around at SDCC 2016. We talk to people in costume and make them fight other people in costume. It's also on World Star Hip Hop if you want to watch the video.

Battlepix evolves into Ninecast. Duhhhh.

Warning: Some good burns mid episode.


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Direct download: S09ESDCC_Battlecast_at_SD_Comic_Con.mp3
Category:Battlecast -- posted at: 5:18am PST