After our mysterious disappearance, we check in with what happened and if the kidnappers are still at large.

Big boyz today on Battlecast. Only the biggest of the big. That's a lotta meatballs! Wizarding world meets the pure Rock-em-sock-em power of the strongest man in at least a few worlds. Let's put em in the land of a hillbilly doomsday cult and see what happens.

Warning: PCP is a helluva drug.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Conspiracy theories and crime-stoppers and we play a rousing game of "IS IT RACIST!?" with Dan as the perpetual contestant. Special thanks to superfan Ariana for judging.

Wakanda vs Metropolis in this here episode. Basically Batman with super powers vs basically the opposite of Superman. It's basically the opposite of that one DC movie like 3 DC movies ago.

Warning: Milk saucer.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

We decided for a handful of reasons to split the show into two parts. Mostly because half of our listeners come for the battle and the other half come for the banter and only the remaining third half come for both.

Dan gets sick on vacation, Andy serves some cold hard justice to a real life criminal, and we all talk about Black Panther.

What do we do when a new show comes out on Netflix? Make the protagonist fight the only robot capable of murder, of course, you idiots. Don't listen if you're against the hunting of monsters.

Warning: Don't talk to James about CoD

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

​Today, a very special episode of Battlecast Theatre. The boys don't have their shit together, so we have to reach into the poop closet... I mean the archives to bring you some of the bonusiest content available.

Warning: SisterGrope alert level has been raised to orange.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!​​​​

Congrats to the team whose fans often punch police horses in the face for winning the Super Bowl. We gon' fight there. It's the orc from Bright vs the orc from Ballers.

Warning: Lil bit of grosscast.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Have we done all the Battle Royale games as battlegrounds yet? No? Ok let's do Fortnite. Kvothe is this pretty interesting guy that talks to wind or something from the King Killer Chronicles and Logan Paul is this pretty interesting guy that talks to preteens on youtube or something.

Warning: Fat Damon.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

'Member X-Mas? We 'member. 'Member Star Wars? We 'member. We have very varying things to say about all of the above. And a battle. OF THE Xs!

Warning: Dan lets James down. Again.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

We're back from Christmas break! And by Christmas break we mean Dan's computer broke, and he's finally catching up on releasing episodes from a month ago. Did you see Disaster Artist? Did you see The Room? Do you play Resident Evil? How about Star Wars? No? Aight then don't listen.

Warning: Motorcycle Fund.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Sometimes on Battlecast, we try to pit two characters against each other that we've all always wondered who would come out on top in fisticuffs. And other times, we just want to see some super-powered elementary school kids duke it out against hardcore badasses and robots and such. This is #2. Well not THAT #2 but still maybe also. Battlerite is our battleground. Heh.

Warning: Drugs. Heh.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

A long long time ago in a galaxy in Hillcrest where we record, Andy's character was relevant because it was two weeks ago and everyone was talking about how god damn fucked Battlefront 2 fucked up. You know what. It's still relevant. Fuck EA and fuck Dice.

Warning: More hair removal tips from your boys.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Dun-dun-dun-dunt SNAP SNAP. It's the Battle Familyyyyyy. Creepiest and kookiest family alive versus the Adams Family. And it all goes down in some MYSTERIOUS TOWN IN FRANCE IN 1955?! What does it all mean? Will we ever find out what disastardly deeds conspired? Will we ever get to the bottom of the enigma to end all enigmas? Will James ever find a cure for that rash? Hopefully not.

Warning: Grue-hue-hue-some

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What a special day it is today! We're starting Halloween weekend, Mario comes out, and a bunch of other cool stuff too probably. We milkin' this Mr. Spoopy Butthole dry. Chucky vs. (go watch) Baby Driver at New Donk City- the capital of Super Mario Odyssey.

Warning: Real dolls.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

It's Halloween. Let's raise some hell and get down on the proverbial "spoopy skeletons". By that we mean let's see how Pinhead from Hellraiser fares against Jack Skellington from Nightmare Before Christmas. Andy's favorite.

Warning: The upside-do.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Cuphead is dooooooooooope. The LA Chargers are nooooooooot. Let's do it in Hawkins, Indiana aka Stranger Things Land. Let's rage.

Warning: The upside-don't.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Listener since the very beginning of Battlecast has finally joined us. Welcome Ariana who will be adjudicating us into Neverending Story. It's the most Xtreme Mega Man vs nazi killer extraordinaire, Lt. Aldo Raine aka Brad Pitt Army Edition.

Warning: Andy does an impression a lot.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Remember like a week and a half ago when we all told you guys to protect your finances? Well here's us finally talking about it in more detail. Also a robot fights a alien. Well, the Alien.

Warning: Ouch, Canada.

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Girls like swarms of things, right?

-Philip J. Fry

Warning: Dan regrets coming back.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Oh Daang, it's Aang. You can eat a dong, if you pronounce it "Ong". Ok sorry, enough highfalutin poetry. It's the last ever Airbender we could ever think of vs. the first ever MMA guy to do a boxing match probably. IT'S TIME TO GET READY TO RUMBLE.

Warning: No Dan, no plan.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Ohhhh snap y'all it's 1996 vs 1997. The worst CGI in the history of the god damn world vs honestly probably the best. Spawn vs Matilda. You guess which is which. I dares ya.

Warning: Andy, honey, you poor thing.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

You're probably looking at this title thinking, "hmm. Who the heck are these two chracters," But then you're all like, "ahhh hell yeah it's the guy from Apocalypse Now and the guy from Dune. Those movies, and to a lesser extent the musical versions of both, are siiiiiick."

Warning: Oysters: yea or nay?

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Two pop culture giants going head to head in this one. Gonna be one hell of a battle.

Warning: BUT FOR REAL THIS TIME

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Two pop culture giants going head to head in this one. Gonne be one hell of a battle.

Warning: Happy Comic Con!

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Edge of Tomorrow. Live. Die. Repeat. Both amazing titles for a pretty dang fine movie. Also we're using one of the main characters from it.. Also ol' Grammy Galadriel. Wait what.

Warning: Wait what.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Remember that Beastie Boys song about Girls? That's pretty much what you're getting in this episode except much more. Handmaid's Tale is pretty dope. So are Peach and Aloy. Let's have a dopeoff. Or a battle. Either way.

Warning: The future is sad.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Two very Japanese games came out this year. One from the future and one from the past. Let's make the main characters duke it out in something from the present. Like uhm i dunno CS GO or something? Yep. Let's do that. K cool brt.

Warning: We'll explain what Anime means.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

This episode of Battlecast is filled with speed, violence, and Ryan Sister-Groper Motorcycle-Knocker-Over Cryin' Bitch Kidd. One of Dan's favorite episodes in a long time, it's the best video game player and twitch streamer in the world, Dr. Disrespect vs the keeper of the Inn in which peeps keep playing Hearthstone in, the Innkeeper.

Warning: E3

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Rest in Peace, Adam West. We're gonna do the best we can to honor you by pulling out some classic Batman in this week's episode. Spock too. Also blackface. Good luck with this one.

Warning: Doctors hate him.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

What's better than nerds talking about sports? Basically everything. That's not to say you won't luhoooove this episode, but you may luhoooooooooove other things more. Like Wonder Woman. Or Tekken 7 for example. These are just examples. It could also be something much better.

Warning: Dirk.

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Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

What's more fun than hanging with the Battlecast boys for some funny fun times? Having a computer hard drive failure that ruins every part of every thing you've ever had on your computer.

Well we somehow salvaged this audio, and we'll be back next week with a real episode. And Dirk had a really damn good joke in this one anyway so listen up.

Thanks, y'all.

Guardians Vol.2 was pretty god dang decent. Yondu was one of the highlights for sure. Let's listen to him fight Sherlock Holmes. Silicon Valley is pretty dope too. Let's just put all of that shit together and make a smoothie out of it. Or an Acai Bowl.

Warning: Cams.

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Guests two weeks in a row? What is this, a Best Western?!

James and Alyssa (guest) both pick characters from JRPGS. Final Fantasy big bad, Sephiroth, vs Persona 5 guy, Joker. It all takes place in the Hyperion from Mass Effect 4. The 4th best Mass Effect game.

Warning: Andy hates everything. Big surprise.

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

What are you waiting for... Christmas?

To listen to this week's episode that is. Whole buncha guests + Dan and James this week. Three people that basically work in the video game industry that give their professional insight on how best to be a serial killer in Grand Theft Auto 5 Roleplaying Mods. Oh yeah and a wizard from Diablo 3 fights Duke Nukem at Fyre Festival. Lol.

Warning: Jeeze Louise, these dice.

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

 

Question: What's the stupidest battle we've ever done?

Today it's the uh..... M&Ms going against top shelf youtubers Ethan and Hila aka H3H3. Go watch their channel. It's dope. The M&Ms we mean. Obviously. Ok so those are some strange characters for us to pick, but the battleground is some cuhlassssic BC. Mt. Olympus.

Warning: It's just a prank, bro!

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

 

Hey you guys wanna cozy up and watch some Netflix with us? Cool. We promise not to try and make any moves on you.

It's just the rebooted Mystery Science Theater 3000 guys vs Danny Rand AKA The Iron Fist in today's episode. Where do you think they should battle? Camp Hope duh. Heavyweights. An American classic.

Warning: Netflix and battle?

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Super special guest filled episode coming atcha. Bunch of folks from the ol' video game industry. Inquire within for more details. Also Dan isn't here so HOORAY for that. Also Dirk isn't here so BOORAY for that.

It's scotsman vs pat today. But it doesn't matter because it's set in a future where there are no borders. Everyone is equal and love reigns supreme. JK there is definite tribalism and a whole grip of robo-dinos. Horizon is pretty cool.

Warning: Another person in the room that likes cars.

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Never bring a sword to a gun fight. Unless you like the KING of swording. Inigo Montoya played by Dirk "The Jerk" Stenger vs Django played by Dan "The 4Chan" Brozo at Hyrule with allllllll kinds of wacky and fun stuff going on. You'll see.

Warning: Super Advanced Future Battle System

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Oh snap another rousing LIVE SHOW at The Merrow in Hillcrest. How about maybe you guy COME OUT TO ONE OF THEM, HUH? They're dope. And Andy buys people drinks.

It's DC Themed at the ol' Nerd Night so we went with Aquaman vs. Swamp Thing. Water vs Plants. But plants love water. OR DO THEY?!

Warning: Super Best Friends trailer review.

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

First off, apologies for the unexpected hiatus. Life got gnarly. Sure we'll talk about it next week.

Also I have a migraine as I'm writing this so I'm gon keep it real brief. Nintendo guy vs the alien from Arrival. That movie is dope.

Warning: Big ol' spoilers for Arrival. Go watch it.

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Welcome to another edition of the MOST EXTREME podcast there is. X is back, baby. And he's on the episode. Also Wolverine. Whaaaat.

Let's throw down with some Chardee MacDennis with the Paddy's Pub crew from It's Always Sunny crew while we're at it.

Warning: We have't talked about gross stuff in a while so HERE'S A BUNCH.

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Another kickass live show from The Merrow! DLOD House Party/Nerd Nights/Andy Buying People Free Drinks for Making Fun of James.

Eric from Mega64 judicates this round of Dan as Buzz(ed) Lightyear vs Dirk as Jafar.

Battle me to a place in a far away cast...

Warning: Andy tells thrilling stories.

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Two of the most relevant figures in 2017 pop culture here on this one. It's buff n bronze boy Conan vs convicted butthead OJ Simpson aka THE JUICE.

If the glove doesn't battle then you must cast.

Warning: Andy the relationship guru.

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

Oh my god it was the BIG GAME this last yestertwodaysago and since it was the BIG GAME between the TEAM1 FRANCHISE vs the good ol' TEAM2 FRANCHISE, we decided to use the BIG GAME as our battleground. It's Shrek vs the girl from The Ring. Duh.

THEN I battled HER cast. NOW I'M A BELIEVER.

Warning: THEN I SAW HER FACE.

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

 

Andy's been yakkin' our ears off all week about how many Matrix posters he had in his room growing up, so it seems natural that he'd pick Neo for this week's battle. Dirk is bravely going in with John Wick.

KEANU V KEANU. MAY THE WOAHEST DUDE BRO.

Take the red battle and see how deep this rabbit cast goes.

Warning: Goro is a secret G

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Yay!!

YAY RESIDENT EVIL 7 IS OUT WOO!

Dan's Leon from the RE series on this week's episode. James is Brendan Fraser because hashtag save Brendan. Also we've got another live show comin' up in exactly a month from today or something so CHECK IT OUT!

Battle! Cast my finger!

Warning: Meet the Deedles...

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Huzzah!

Hey guys, remember that LIVE show we kept talking about doing? Well we did it. It was awesome. Sounds like we'll be doing that whole song and dance again not too long from not but with even more awesome stuff going on.

Andy Schatz (creator of Monaco, head of Pocketwatch Games) kicked it with us. Eric Baudour (creator of Nutella, producer of Mega64 Podcast) called Dan a fool a bunch of times. Eric even battled. You shoulda been there. OH WAIT YOU CAN BE BY LISTENING TO THIS EPISODE SORT OF.

I battle fishes 'cast they're so delicious.

Warning: DAN, YOU FOOL!

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Huzzah

 

What's the doofiest most helpless thing you can think of besides Minions? Yes, Kerbals. Ok, now what's the most badass, hardcore, kick you in the booboo thing you can think of besides Pantera? Yes, the Doomslayer. How about we throw 'em together and see what happens?

Oh yeah and come to our live show on Friday. Details all over our Facebook page.

I'll battle there for youuuuuu, if you cast for me tooooooo.

Warning: THEY'RE ALWAYS LISTENING.

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PS Thank you as always to Meltdown Comics and Collectibles for supporting us and keeping this super nerdy little pirate ship afloat. Huzzah!

Sure hope you've seen Rogue One. Also, probably don't listen to this one yet if you care about spoilers.

Because this battle is ALL about Rogue One. Wait, you didn't see the General Grievous easter egg in R1? Shhhhhhh!!! It's the sassy mouth droid with a heart of quadanium steel going nuts to bolts against ol' squishy brain himself. It's basically an episode of BattleBots. BattlecastBots.

When sparks fly, robots die.

Warning: James will make you like stuff less.

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Well it's been almost three years. so we feel like we've definitely earned it.

Also more importantly, it's Christmas so none of us could get together to record and episode so we all picked some very classic Battlecast moments and threw them up into this disasterpiece of audio we call "It's a very Battlecast Best Of..."

Warning: So much nostalgia your feels will explode into so many pieces that you'll never use the word "feels" again because it's played out and annoying.

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HO HO HO, Merry Holidays!

We get all Christmasy up in this biz with the non-childhood-ruining version of The Grinch vs the later-in-his-career-but-not-at-this-point-childhood-ruining Kevin McAlister played by Macaulay Culkin. Of course we fight in the world of A Christmas Story and all Christmas stuff in general because CHRISTMAS IS DOPE.

Jinglecast, jinglecast, jinglecast battle!

Warning: Not a white or green Christmas. It's a red one.

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We're here celebrating the release of two famously production-hell games. Also the new Spider-Man trailer. James rollin' deep at Prince Noctis from Final Fantasy XV and Dan gettin' webdiculous as Spidey-Dude. Last Guardian is the battleground because duh.

Battlenuts roasting on an open cast...

Warning: Tough life decisions all dayyyyy.

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Dave Chappelle, oh how we miss you. Your gig as host of SNL recently was not enough, so we brought you back to battle on this week's episode. Everyone's talking about the new Pokemon games too. Dirk's playin' 'em, and today he's gonna rock out with is Pokeball out as Rockruff. Furthermore, Planet Earth II is the best thing ever. Good lord you have so much to watch.

Closing time, one last call for Battlecast...

Warning: One of us used to be HARD. Or real sad.

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Westworld is really awesome and we're all super into it. Let's fight there this week why not? Andy saw The Mummy playing at a bar this week so he's gonna be Imhotep. Dirk really digs the Dishonored games so he's gonna be the main character, Corvo Attano. It's a dope battle, but something's missing. Hmmm.

Some call it corn, we call it Battlecast.

Warning: Some Dr. Strange and Westworld spilers. Tasteful ones.

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A kickass little indie game came out recently. It's called Owlboy. Go check it out. Dirk and Dan have been playing the butt off of it, and Dirk even picked the main character, Otus as his hero this week.

Andy's been playing a lot of pin the tail on the donkey by himself in his underwear at home alone, so he picked George W Bush.

Let's do it in Arlen, TX this week, I'll tell ya hwhat.

When Battlecast shakes your hand, it stays shook.

Warning: Almost a complete absence of ribaldry.

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We're sorry. The beginning of this episode assumed that people were better.

We finished up our Extra Life stream with another episode of Battlecast: this one. It's James playing one of the strangest wrestlers (yes, we know that's saying a lot) we've ever heard of, Broken Matt Hardy vs. one of the most vanilla characters in anything ever, the main guy from J.A.G.- LTCR Harm.

Battlecast has the best words.

Warning: WE SWEAR WE DIDN'T MEAN TO PREDICT IT

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Firstly, thanks to everyone that tuned in and/or donated to us for Extra Life (you still can by the way if you feel like helpin' out a heck of a worth cause). We had an amazing time doing a double header of episodes as well as like 8 hours of DnD

Here's the first ep. we recorded that day- it's Doctor v Disease for this special edition of Battlecast. Rude crude viral dude, Thrax (the bad guy from Osmosis Jones) as played by Dirk goes tendril to tassle with kung-fu magic super-surgeon, Dr. Strange as played by Dan. Oh yeah and it's in some random Ukrainian city called Pripyat.

Battlecast it for the kids, maaaaan.

Warning: Andy's obsession with butt toys continues.

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One half of Battlecast takes over at Stan Lee's Los Angeles Comic Con! And by take over, we mean kicked it at a booth and shat the shit for a little. And by one half of Battlecast, we really only mean one third because it's just James and Dan.

They talk about how lame LA is, Don't Hug Me I'm Scared cosplay, various sitcoms from the 1990s, and why the heck we were up there in the first place.

We'll be back with a regular-style Battlecast episode next week. Enjoy some banter in the meantime!

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You should probably go watch Black Mirror on Netflix. They aren't paying us to say that, it's just really really good. Also it's our battleground this week so you will probably (100% definitely) hear some spoilers about it on this ep. It's ol' Danny Boy vs. ol' Dirkie Poo as the New Ghostbusters and the Sid Meyer's Civilization Narrator respectively.

Look! Up in the sky! It's a Battle! It's a cast! It's Battlecast!

Warning: WATCH BLACK MIRROR FIRST PROBABLY

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Have you ever found something on the internet that's so hypnotic and wonderful that you immediately fall in love with it and can't help but digest every single episode of it? No, dummy. We're not talking about Battlecast. We're talking about the Primitive Technology Channel. Go watch it. Also Andy is battling as the guy who runs it. He's frighting... erm, fighting against James as Stephen King's IT aka Pennywise.

These two unlikely enemies discover the whimsical world of The Princess Bride. But mostly just the Fire Swamps.

Never go in against a Battlecast... when DEATH is on the line!

Warning: Dan was not meant for stand-up

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Unlike certain Republican presidential nominees, the Battle Boys are distinctly prosogynistic. To prove it, we welcome two females that sort of tolerate us. It's Mrs. Anneke "Married to Dirk" Stenger and Ms. Cora "Cora" Cora.

They'll judicate the battle that takes place in Lichfield Prison from Orange is the New Black between two characters that we're just shocked have never come up before. It's Dirk as peppy British speed demoness, Tracer vs Dan as the Lord of Portals and being locked in a lab with robots that sing about cake, Chell. My god the Portal games are fun.

The Battlecast is a lie.

Warning: Pancakes for breakfast.

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You thought, hoped, and the religious among you prayed that Lady Gaga was never to be used on the show again. If you needed more proof that we live in a cruel, godless world, I give you exhibit G: this god damn episode. It's James as Lady Gaga going bangs to sweaty forehead with Drik as Marvel's bulletproof Netflix star, Luke Cage.

Oh and probably much more importantly, the mystery guest that was previously accused of some pretty heinous groping is here to tell his side of the story.

Can't hear my, can't hear my, no you can't hear my b-b-b-Battlecast.

Warning: Battlecast sans-Dan is the best. Lol.

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BREAKING NEWS: Andy has been replaced on the show by Eric Baudour from Mega 64 so we're going to completely overhaul the show to be entirely about pro wrestling and devastatingly horrible internet videos. You're welcome.

Before the format changes though, we'll do a battle or something. It's Eric as the machoest man there ever was, Randy Savage. Dan's going with a hero of the only real wrestling there is. Cros wrestling. Steve Irwin. Neither one of them will be up to business as usual though because it's going down in the zombie infested mall from Dead Rising.

C'mon don't be scurred, you runnin' from Battlecast, that's what I heard.

Warning: Prepare the ear bleach.

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Welcome friend of the show and coffee connoisseur and generally responsible adult, Elijah Elliot!

He's sitting in for ol' new-job-James this week as Brad Pitt's fast talking pikey from Snatch, Mickey O'Niell. Andy loves winning so he picked a character he was positive he'd win with. The best part of the last two X-Men movies, Quicksilver. Let's take these fellers deep under the sea to a lab. Sealab. 2021.

But oh I ain't evah seen a Battlecast fly.

Warning: Real Talk as fugh.

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Cartoon v Cartoon you say? Let's F'in' do this. It's ginger boy genius Dexter (Dirk) going head to spatula against punny burgerman, Bob Belcher (Dan). Hopefully you're well versed on your 1980s Colombian cocaine history, because this episode takes place in the setting of Narcos.

Battlecast kills bugs dead.

Warning: YOLOIAL

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*Trumpets and such* We are joined today by comedian/actor/bumble BFF of the show, Nick Rutherford!

Nick'll be battling this week as the peace-loving paintnik, Bob Ross. Let's see how he fares against the augmented cyber-bro Adam Jensen from Deus Ex. And heck! Why not put these two in the infamous Trump Tower in Las Vegas. Booyagggh.

If you get a Battlecast that lasts over four hours, seek immediate medical attention.

Warning: It's ok to smile when sad stuff happens.

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Welcome to another super duper out of control exciting edition of Battlecast presented by the super duper out of control awesome Meltdown Comics! We warned you to watch Stranger Things like a million times so hopefully you did that because (Dan) picked the electrokinetic wunderkind Elle/11 from Stranger Things as his character for this week. Dirk's been playing a lot of No Man's Sky so he went with the mysterious explorer and protagonist, The Traveler. James's ceremonial wheel spin landed us in the store from Sausage Party. Dope. Your mom should have taught you this, but always wipe from front to Battlecast. Warning: EVERY SPOILER EVER. You've been warned. <3 <3 <3 Thanks for listening, thanks for telling a friend, thanks for rating us on iTunes, and thanks for being a drunk Tijuana stupor. <3 <3 <3

There's a glitch in the mainframe of the internet that is allowing us to stay on Meltdown's network and also causes some of the gyms in Pokemon Go to turn yellow. We have our top scientists looking into it.

In the meantime: frazzled Magic School Bus pilot and damn fine lecturer, Ms. Frizzle (Andy) goes head to head against morphine addicted super-hacker, Mr. Robot (James). Hmm if only there was a place that brought nature and technology together in which they could fight... OH YEAH, hardcore survival game and winner of the coveted "This Shit's Been in Alpha for Longer than Computers Existed" award, RUST.

It puts the Battlecast on the skin, or else it gets the hose again.

Warning: Everything you wanted to know about video games but were afraid to ask.

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Volume 2 of Battlecast is upon us! Complete with a fancy new presenter, Meltdown Comics and fancy new lead vocals by Jon Bailey! Wooo!

Today's battle takes place in the totally-not-being-judged-by-anyone Rio Olympics between insane lady badass, Harley Quinn (James) and neurotic horsey jackass, Bojack Horseman (Dan).

Things heat up on the track and then cool down in the toxic green swimming pool. We don't recommend listening with headphone as close contact with this content may transmit Zika virus directly into your brain canal. Sorry.

Warning: Immediately gross as always.

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It's finally here. Tempers ran hot, arguments were had, and James even broke a beer bottle over Andy's head. This may even be the last time we ever do a Battle Royale based on how much we all wanted to (for reals) kill each other afterward.

Basically what we're trying to say is that we've suffered for our art. In the same way that a 7-year-old suffers for that gold star emblazoned painting of a stick figure parakeet that mom and dad barely allowed on the fridge BUT STILL.

It's Dan vs. Andy vs. James in a tournament style showdown that will answer the two year long question: who got the best dice rolls?

Show me that Battlecast agaiiiin (Ooooooo, show me that Battlecast).

Warning: We'll never make you wait so long for or listen to another almost 3 hour episode again. Promise.


Dan has 4 characters, Andy has 3 characters, and James has 5 characters.

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One more little baby special episode before we bring you the super sized... no King Sized... no... KING SOOPER SIZED Super Mega Hyper Battle Royale. Here's us fartin' around at SDCC 2016. We talk to people in costume and make them fight other people in costume. It's also on World Star Hip Hop if you want to watch the video.

Battlepix evolves into Ninecast. Duhhhh.

Warning: Some good burns mid episode.


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This is not a normal episode of Battlecast. If you've been listening, then you know that this is us farting around at Dan's Gravyyard show last week. It's extra short, but hopefully it'll hold you over until next week when we have our HYPER SUPER MEGA BATTLE ROYALE followed by two weeks from now when we launch the start of VOLUME 2 of Battlecast. It's gonna be epic. We got some surprises in store for yas.

Gravycast enters the Battleyard.

Warning: You have to hear Dan's band.


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Remember like a million years ago when we did our D&D style co-op campaign version of Battlecast and you guys loooooooved it? Us neither. The love part. SO WE DID IT AGAIN. This time with super overpowered/holy grail characters because it's fun. Straight up Dungeons and Dragons style custom campaign written and performed by Dirk the Magnificent.

Our cast for this week is The Big Blue Dong of Justice AKA Dr. Manhattan (Andy), the bumbling yet lovable Superdoofus, Superman (James), and that dude who spends season of his show stuck on a single syllable, Goku (Dan).

IT'S-A-MEEE- BATTLECASTIO

Warning: Longest. Episode. Ever.

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It's the stunning conclusion to Season 9 of Battlecast. Move over, Game of Thrones! Move over, Silicon Valley! Move over, Murder She Wrote! There's a new Sheriff in town!

James and Andy are set up with some pretty OP stacked teams as they go into this one- Andy has Mary Poppins, The Tick, Robocop, Lego Batman. James has Donkey Kong, Ice Cube, A Warlock from Destiny, and Ratchet + Clank. Oh you poor sod, Dan. He only has Joe Camel. Wait didn't this happen last season too? Good lord.

As is customary in the Battle Royale, we revisit a buncha battlegrounds we've seen throughout the season.

Try to Cast your line into the deeper pools- that's where the Battles bite..

Warning: Buckle up.

FINAL RECORD BEFORE THE FINAL
Dan 1-5, Andy 4-2, James 4-2

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IN SOVIET RUSSIA, THE CAST BATTLES YOU!!! No but really it does so watch out for that if you ever plan on traveling there. It's a battle between East Coast vs West Coast- in a rivalry almost exactly like that of Biggie vs. Tupac, it's Mary Poppins (Andy) vs. Bucky Barnes, The Winter Soldier (Dan). And if you haven't quite figured this part out yet, it all takes place back in the USSR.

Battlecastliness is next to Godliness.

Warning: Andy sings this episode.


Dan 1-4, Andy 3-2, James 4-2

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Welcome to This American Battlecast.

Today we take a break from battling to tell you a tale of heartbreak and hilarity.

In what has been hailed as the greatest episode of Battlecast ever, the boys go through an emotional journey and would like to bring you along for the ride.

Take meee out to the Baaaaattlecast.

Warning: You may cry.

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Special guest alert! It's the girl that is apprehensively letting Andy call her girlfriend! She's really sweet and does pretty good Young Frankenstein impressions. Hey! That's where we're battling this week! It's furry and furious donkey named monkey, Donkey Kong (James) vs. the guy that makes being a man in black look good, Agent J (Dan).

Disclaimer: Don't insert the Battlecast too far into your ear canal or you may cause permanent injury.

Warning: The Legend of Cora. The dog.


Dan 1-3, Andy 3-2, James 3-2

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It's a Battlecast milestone this week with the LAST EVER DIRKEO. Yes that's right. The Council of Elders communed and decided Dirk shall be a combatant next season so this is the last opportunity for any of the boys to choose him. Andy does. It's the pathetic and lovable Joe Dirk (Dirt) goin' head to head with the copiously armed furball/nutbolt combo team Ratchet and Clank (James). All o' this happens on Mars.

Amber Alert: Late-twenties, moderately overweight Battlecast in a silver 2010 Prius heading northbound on your ear-holes.

Warning: No one's ever happy with the odds.


Dan 1-3, Andy 3-1, James 2-2

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**FIRST OFF DISCLAIMER**

Still working out kinks in the new studio and despite recording on two separate devices, the audio was still all jacked because we're dumb. So the quality of this episode is pretty shoddy. Well all of them are but this one particularly.

Annnnnyway- this week Andy and Dan both wuss out and call in pinch-battlers, but neither of them know who is battling for them until the end in a new-style-no-bias-battle. It's Gumby (Dirk) vs. Lego Batman (Cryin' Bitch aka Ryan Kidd) fighting in the Miiverse.

Fresh and full of Battlecast.

Warning: Foxes and racecars.


Dan 1-2, Andy 2-1, James 2-2

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C'mon boys n girls! It's Candyland!! That's where we're dukin' it out today. Dirk's been playing a whole bunch of Starcraft II: Legacy of the Void recently so he picks Artanis (Dirk), and Dan's been smoking a whole bunch of Cigarettes: Legacy of the Lungs recently so he picks Joe Camel (Dan). We do the whole thing in a particularly long board game themed battle in good ol' Candyland. Or as Andy likes to call it... Andyland.

Eat a Battlecast. You're not you when you're hungry.

Warning: Romance and such.


Dan 0-2, Andy 2-1, James 2-1

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We're lovin' it! 29 cent cheeseburger day at McDonalds that is. Does that still exist? No? Well Battlecast does, and this week it's robotic police cop, Robocop (Andy) vs. a big buff bald car guy from The Fast and the Furious, Dominic Toretto. We fight in a McDonalds Play Place. Now does all the cheeseburger talk make sense?

You gotta wrap it before you Battlecast it.

Warning: DAN DOESN'T HAVE STDs HE SWEARS


Dan 0-2, Andy 1-1, James 2-0

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We're back from being total lazy piles and not being good at releasing consistent episodes! Dan's back in town, James quit his meth habit cold turkey, Andy's period finally came (oh god what a nail biter), and Dirk's government tell-all book is finally finished. THIS WEEK: Ren and Stimpy's favorite breakfast cereal and superhero combo, Powdered Toast Man (Dan) vs. Patrick Warburton's greatest role, The Tick (Andy) all fighting at the high school from Grease. Yay!

Don't get mad, get Battlecast.

Warning: Who the F knows the Grase soundtrack I mean come on.


Dan 0-1, Andy 0-1, James 2-0

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This episode was inspired by the Paula Abdul song, Opposites Attract. It's old, white, pony-tail sporting ubernerd, and inventor of Dungeons and Dragons, Gary Gygax (Dirk for Dan) vs not old, not white, gangster rapping, Compton residing badass, Ice Cube (James). We fight in a Tardis because why not.

Never wear black without the Battlecast.

Warning: Andy being Andy.

Fresh new season with fresh new records!:
 
Dan 0-0, Andy 0-1, James 1-0

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Season 9 of Battlecast! The 9th of our arbitrary season system! Isn't that exciting? You know what don't answer that. We're joined by guests Ryan Kidd (Jarngis) and Elijah Elliot (makes really bomb cold brew coffee- check out Red Hat Coffee on the web, fb, etc.), and somehow we keep the conversation relatively clean. Hmph. Today's battle is between Hawtpocketz, a Warlock Guardian from Destiny (James) and actor and all-around heart-throb Benecio del Toro (Elijah for Andy). Elijah brough us coffee so the wheel of destiny picked Starbucks as the battleground.

The best part of waking up is Battlecast in your cup.

Warning: Real-life advice that may actually be meaningful or something ew.

Fresh new season with fresh new records!:
 
Dan 0-0, Andy 0-0, James 0-0

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It's after season 8 and not quite season 9 so you know what that means. A SPECIAL EDITION THEMED EPISODE WOOO. We've never done a 2v2 battle before so we give that a shot today. On the heels of the news that Matt Groening just signed a deal to do a new show on Netflix, we go Simpsons vs. Futurama. Friend of the show Ryan Kidd (aka Jarngis and every other NPC from our Side Quest episode) judicates and it's Hank Scorpio (Andy) and Fat Tony (Dirk) vs. Don Bot (Dan) and Bender (James). Bots vs. Boys. Dudes vs. Dudemotrons. Metaloids vs. Skinaloids. Ermm.

You're banned from the Battlecast. You and your children and your children's children... for three months.

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First off, thank you guys infinitely for listening to 100 episodes of Battlecast. We're super grateful for you guys, and we'll keep doing the show as long as we have folks like you tuning in.

So for our 100th episode we're doing something a little different and a little special. We're going on a side quest campaign D&D style with a few characters of our choosing. We seek the Draft of the Eldar, an ancient brew rumored to quench one's thirst for eternity. Will we find this legendary brew? Who knows.

Our cast for this week is the Elite Tauren Chieftan himself, E.T.C. (Dan), eastern european car theif from GTA 4, Nico Bellic (James), and one of Alan Rickman's finest portrayals Severus Snape (Andy).

Don't put Battlecasts on your pizza.

Warning: Boss battles are hard.

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The exciting finale of Season 8 is here! Andy and James go head to head for the championship while Dan sits in the room and pretends he has a chance with his one character. Andy's force-heavy stacked team of four is Ezra, Mulder and Scully, Kylo Ren, and Leonardo di Vinci. James is rocking another kick ass team with Darth Maul, Lara Croft, The Phantom, and Roland Deschain. Dan has Venom. As always, the Battle Royale revisits all the battlegrounds we've used throughout the season in one edge-of-your-skeet spectacular.

Battlecast, the other white podcast.

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Ok, two things. First off... SPOILER ALERT HARRRRRD FOR STAR WARS EP. 7. Second thing. MERRRRRY CHRISTMAS!!1

Cool. It's the last regular season Battle of the season (wut) before we get to the Battle Royale so let's make it count. It's the anonymous bad guy from the new Star Wars movie, Kylo Ren (Andy), vs. the supernonymous rapping Shaq genie from one of the worst things of the 90s, Kazaam (Dan). And duh, it's in Santa's Workshop. Dope.

Battlecasts roasting on an open lightsaber.

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We noticed we had been way too topical with our character and battleground choices as of late so we decided to do things that are completely irrelevant to anything going on in pop culture right now. It's Hyrule's Female-Identifying Male Link (Dan)... or vice versa...  going head to head with the main dude in Stephen King's Dark Tower series Roland Deschain, The Gunslinger (James). Sudden Valley is the Bluth family development of astoundingly poorly build homes if you didn't follow.

It's raining Battlecasts. Hallelujah.

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It is a period of civil Battlecast.
Andy's Rebel spacedicks have won
many victories against James and
the evil Galactic Empire.

Today marks the final showdown between two Sith titans. Dark Maul (James), a Zabrak from Dathomir will face off against one of the most powerful and hilariously controversial Lords of the Dark Side, Jar Jar Binks (Andy)

Let's join the two in the famed Mos Eisley Cantina and see how it all unfolds on today's episode of Battlecast.

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Welcome back to Battlecast friend of the show, Ryan Kidd along with BC newcomer (and Dan's bandmate in Gravyyard) Joe Mousey. Today's battle takes place in the much beloved classic American Gladiators arena. The combatants are the also much beloved Peter Dinklage (Dirk for Dan) and much unknown Ezra (Ryan for Andy), a padawan from Star Wars Rebels. Apparently it's a pretty good show. Most of us still need convincing.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Battlecast?

Warning: Music.

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Allllllll aboard the Starship Enterprise! That's the Star Trek themed battleground in today's extra girthy episode of Battlecast. We'll be duking it out in space with two sort-of aliens. It's the biggest, baddest, smartest Pokemon around, Mewtwo (James) vs. the tongue waggingest, alienest, Spider-Man counteringest villain out there, Venom (Dan). Pretty legit, huh?

TIL (today i learned) The L in Samuel L. Jackson stands for Battlecast.

Warning: Tijuana, Mexicast

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STATUS UPDATE: How are we doing on our anti-grosscast challenge? Astoundingly well.

You know what one of the dankiesest movies ever is? Forrest Fucking Gump. So let's hope the wheel landed on it this week as our battleground. It did. Today's combatants are the Tomb Raider herself, Lara Croft (James) vs. a hypothetical main character from any of the Fallout games, A Vault Dweller (Dirk for Andy).

Lucy in the Sky with Battlecast.

Warning: Tom Raider

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Dun dunun dun nunnnnnn... It's Faaaaaamily Feudcast. Once in a while we do awesome gameshow style episodes that you guys looooooooove.

Who better to be contestants on Family Fued than the jerkwad that's always tryna kill Bart Simpson, Sideshow Bob (Dan) vs. renaissance era painter, sculptor, inventor, and etc. Leonardo da Vinci (Andy). It's rad.

Battlecast a gong. Battlecast it on.

Warning: LOUIEEE ANDERTHNNN!!!11

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ANNOUNCEMENT!! We have put a three week ban on all grossness after last week's horribly disturbing episode full of things you'd never want your mom to hear.

Today's battle is between a real fast guy and a real purple guy. It's The Flash (Dan) from the pretty damn decent CW show vs. The Phantom (Dirk for James) featuring Billy Zane aka the bad guy from Titanic. It allllll goes down in our hometown of San Diego.

It puts the Battlecast on the skin or else it gets the hose again.

Warning: "No James so it's going to be shitty." -James

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Welcome to Grosscast! The grossest podcast in alllllll the world. Featuring Andy the Gland Boyd, Dirk "I-Just-Pooped Smirk" Stenger, James "I-Just-Came" Pugh, and Dan Brozo. If you really thought you couldn't listen to Battlecast at work before.....

Anyway- today's battle is in the ol' Halloween spirit being judicated by Dan in Nightmare Before Christmas. It's Arrow (James) of CW and maybe DC Comics vs. Mulder and Scully (Andy) the original paranormal activity-ers from X-Files.

Making Battlecast, la-la-la la-la.

Warning: So gross.

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It's like nothin' you ever heard before! It's the Battlecast Happy Hour! Basically all that means is that we got drunk and recorded an episode of just banter. We get the real scoop on paying for HJs, saving people's lives with the heimlich, and of course, bidets.

Warning: Dan will open your face.

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